Short stories collection
by Lady Snowflake
Summary: My short stories. Each chapter is a different story. Stories will usually not be continued, unless enough requests... hint hint wink wink
1. Chapter 1

**Challenge #92: Turning point**  
**Author: Ann**  
**Title: The things Daddy did when he fell in love… **  
**Rating:** (G to NC-17) G  
**Spoilers/Warnings: Ranger falls in luv**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters**

**The things Daddy did when he fell in love… **

Wow, it was a change that was talked about for years after. Legendary. I still remember the day that he called me after it happened. I mean, you know that people in love might behave slightly different from before, but this was… Well, I really can't describe it. I was flabbergasted.

It started right at the beginning of that conversation. He actually called me unannounced (but always very welcome!) and had asked lots of questions about my day and school and sports and everything else. He usually isn't that talkative. And then, when I started to get suspicious and started asking questions back, he was talking freely. I would almost say he was… chatty! (Don't tell him I said this, I will be deported to a third world country before you finished your story.) He talked about this takedown that he did, together with Stephanie, and how they went out for drinks afterwards and had a wonderful time. That she looked really nice that night, and bla bla bla. I knew he liked Stephanie, (not from him by the way, but from Tank and Lester) but he had never mentioned anything about her. Come to think of it, he never talked about women at all, even though according to my mother he was always attracting women. (And she didn't talk about it as if that was a good thing… I would like to attract men!) But anyway, he kept on telling stories and I was getting more amazed by the minute. Was this my silent Dad? The man who had made economy of words an art form? My mother saw my face and asked to speak to him as well. Normally Dad tries to get out of that, but now he said: sure, put her on. I watched my mothers face during their conversation and she started looking angry (as always) but then quickly changed to surprise and amazement, and ending with a sort of sour smile. She had only asked short questions, so I had no idea what exactly he was telling her. After a while she said: "Ricardo… RICARDO! I get the picture. I'll put your daughter back on." Then she said goodbye and gave the phone back to me. We said goodbye as well, and he said he was looking forward to seeing me in about a month time. I turned to my mother and raised my eyebrow in question.

"What is wrong with Dad?"

"Sweetie, he is fine."

"But he was doing weird."

"Darling. I know this is hard to understand right now, but by the time you're 20 you'll understand exactly what is going on."

"What?"

"Your father (sigh)… (silence)… Your father, heaven help us, has fallen in love…" She said with another deep sigh.

And wow, did we get _reacquainted_ (I have no other word for it)… He picked me up at the airport and had said he had lots of surprises for me. First of all I met Stephanie in the car, she was really nice. And then we went to this house that I didn't recognize. It was in a normal, nice neighborhood. It still had fences around it, but it didn't look as dangerous and military as his old house. And then he said that he owned the house together with Stephanie, and that he and Stephanie lived there. And then they told me that they were in love, and that she was living with him. And then it hit me! He wasn't wearing black today! He was wearing blue jeans and a light shirt. Wow, this Stephanie must have magical powers! And they were in love, always kissing, hugging and chasing each other through the house. After the first week I was getting tired of them. They were acting like children! I was supposed to be the child here, but in stead I had to call them to come down for dinner (3 times!) and had to remind them to take me out to the mall and to the movies. We were almost late! Daddy was never late… And usually he was always working a lot, but now he seemed to be home more then at work. Luckily Lester and Tank came over to keep me company at night when Dad and Steph went out. When I asked them what was wrong with Dad, they were laughing very hard, and said more or less the same thing my mother said. He was in love. The whole state was talking about it, because he was wearing colors, leaving work early and laughing the whole time. The moment he and Steph had finally found out how they felt about each other had been a turning point, and since then they had been inseparable. Jeez, you could take that last word seriously. They seemed to be joined at the hip! I am not sure if I want to be in love like that, but when I said that to Tank he smiled and said that he had never seen Dad happier then this last month. Mmm, maybe love isn't such a bad thing after all…


	2. Chapter 2

**Challenge #93: Wishful thinking**

**Title: You don't own me**  
**Author: Ann (Chrystalsandsnowflakes)**  
**Rating:** (G to NC-17): G  
**Spoilers/Warnings: none**  
**Summary: Ranger does some wishful thinking**  
**Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine, I just play with them**

**You don't own me**

Steph looked like she was ready to burst. Her eyes were dark with anger and she was shaking with fury. Morelli had really blown it this time. They had been arguing, as usual, about him trying to turn her into a Burg wife, about Ranger, about her work, about all the usual stuff. But this time something was different. Steph seemed to be more determined to get the message across.

_You don't own me  
I'm not just one of your many toys  
You don't own me  
Don't say I can't go with other boys_

When Morelli started about Ranger, Steph said she was tired of listening to insinuations that were based on jealousy. She had her own life, and even though Morelli could be included as a friend if he wanted, it didn't mean he could control who she was seeing. He didn't own her.

_Don't tell me what to do  
Don't tell me what to say  
An' please, when I go out with you  
Don't put me on display_

There was more arguing, the arguments getting more irate and the hand gestures more Italian. They were face to face now, pushing and shoving each other. Oh yes, this was getting good. The bystanders were betting like maniacs already.

_You don't own me  
Don't try to change me in anyway  
You don't own me  
Don't tie me down 'cause I'll never stay_

Morelli was saying something about her job, and Steph threw it right back into his face, saying that his job as a cop was at least as dangerous as hers. He was saying that he wanted her to be safe, couldn't she understand that? Wrong choice of words, Steph immediately got back into his face to scream about her independence. And that if he loved her he would want her to be free.

_I don't tell you what to say  
I don't tell you what to do  
So just let me be myself  
That's all I ask of you_

Steph argued that she didn't ask _him_ to quit his job, to change _his_ behaviour. To stop seeing Terry Gilman… Joe had the decency to blush at that, but got right back at her by saying he, unlike her, was trained for his job. All she got was some offhand advice from an ex-mercenary who just wanted to get into her bed. And that's when she slapped him. She turned on her heels and walked directly to his car, smiling her full-on smile. He knew she was his then.

_I'm young and I love to be young  
I'm free and I love to be free  
To live my life the way I want  
To say and do whatever I please_

"Ranger… Ranger!" He realised that he had fallen asleep, and that he was sitting in his car. Tank was sitting next to him, calling his name. It had been a very long week, and he was tired to the bone. Tank looked at him expectantly.

"What!"

"What were you dreaming about, man? You were looking positively scary and then you started smiling big time…" Oh, shit. He sat up straight and turned the radio off, cutting off the last notes of the song that had 'inspired' his dream.

"Nothing I can remember." He felt sad. He realised it had all been wishful thinking.

The end

Song: You Don't Own Me (Madara-White)


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Prison and pride

Author: Ann.

Spoilers: Using info from book TS mainly, but story takes place when Ranger is 14

Summary: Ranger's time in prison

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters and I don't make any profit.

**Rating: AT LEAST NC-17!!!!! READ WARNING BEFORE READING THE STORY!!!!!**

_**WARNING: THIS STORY HAS A VERY DARK START. IT DEALS WITH RAPE, ABUSE, VIOLENCE AND FEAR. DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU'RE AN ADULT (AND BETTER EVEN OVER 21). READ IT AT YOUR OWN RISK. **_

**Prison and pride**

"Get in there." He was shoved inside the cell, his heart going 180 beats per minute. He was scared to death. The door was closed behind him, the sounds of metal on metal making him feel cold inside, and then it was silent. He looked around and saw he wasn't alone. The 4 guys already present in the room slowly got up and silently formed a line in front of him. With the door at his back, he had nowhere to go. He was trapped and he had no idea what he should do. He hadn't been prepared for this when he stole that car. He looked at the 4 hostile faces in front of him. Only one was about his height, the rest was taller and all of them had much more muscles than he had. If they were looking for a fight, he would loose.

"So, what we got here?" the tallest one asked. He decided to stay quiet.

"Him looks young," another one added. All of them cackled. He swallowed.

"C'mon, say so'thing!," the third one yelled at him. Instinctively he took a step back and was once again confronted with his confinement when he felt the cold metal door against his back. All of the guys in front of him laughed at his reaction. He tried to look calm, but he had never been this scared in his life. The fear was paralyzing him. He was still holding his towel, sheet and blanket that they handed out to each new prisoner and the only thing he could do was just stand there, waiting to see what they wanted to do to him because he was powerless to stop it.

He had really not thought about this when he had stolen that stupid car. He had done it because of a dare his 'friends' had given him, and he hadn't counted on his 'friends' calling the cops on him either 'to spice things up'. The arrest hadn't been nice. He had resisted and had received a few punches and kicks because of that. The court case, seeing his mother crying and the disappointed look from his father… and then hearing the judge give him the sentence. Six months in juvenile detention. He suddenly realized that playtime was over. This was real. He was going to prison. He had wanted to jump up and scream at the judge that he was sorry and that he wouldn't do it again. That he hadn't meant to get caught, that he didn't want to go to prison, but somehow no words had come out of his mouth. He had had about 5 minutes to get used to the idea of going to prison before he was cuffed and shackled and driven to the prison. After going through the whole process of booking and searching he was then walked to his cell by a guard. He hadn't anticipated that he had to share his cell with others, so here he was now. Imprisoned with 4 large guys that looked like they wanted to kill him on the spot. And all of that because of one fucking car…

Suddenly, the 4 guys took one step forward and he flattened himself against the door. More cackles.

"Think he'll scream?" number 4 asked the other three.

"Oh yeah, he'll scream. Like a fucking baby." Number 2 grinned a devilish grin at him. He was just thinking about what could make him scream and the thought of not knowing made him crazy. He was at the mercy of 4 criminals and nobody would protect him here. He couldn't even protect himself.

"Then we better prevent that hap'ning, eh guys?" number 1 asked the others. They nodded and he could feel a bead of sweat running down his back. He cursed himself for not listening to his mother when she warned him about these 'friends' of his, cursed himself for not listening to his father when he said that he would get caught one day and go to prison and then they wouldn't be able to help him. No, he was the great Ricardo, he wouldn't get caught. He was soooo smart, he was soooo good. And look at him now, ready to piss his pants on his first 5 minutes in jail. He had fucked up, big time.

Suddenly they were on him. He was on the floor in seconds and he felt kicks and blows landing everywhere on his body. He tried to defend himself, but within seconds his hands were held behind his back and he was held up while the others took turns beating the shit out of him. Soon he didn't feel any pain anymore, because everything was hurting. A hard blow to his head had him seeing stars and for a moment he hoped he would just black out, but that didn't happen. Then guy number 1 held up his hands and said "enough" and all the punching and kicking stopped as abrupt as it had begun. He almost felt relieved. He had survived, he was alive. It wasn't the first time that he had gotten beat up, although it had never been as bad as this, but he had always recovered.

But he had thought too soon. Suddenly he was grabbed again and something was pushed in his mouth. He tried to resist, but it was a lost cause and his mind flashed back to the words about him screaming and how they would have to prevent that. While number 2 and 4 held his arms behind his back, number 3 stepped right in front of his face.

"Yo'know, we like new flesh. We play with new flesh, yo' understand?" All he could do was look back, feeling hopelessly powerless. Another punch in his face and his head was pulled back by his hair.

"Answer me, yo' fucking baby!" He just nodded, while cold fear closed around his heart. What did they want to do to him? What were they talking about? Number 3 continued his little 'speech'.

"Good. Yo' see, there's no women in here. Nothing to play with. But we've got needs and we've got you. And yo' skinny ass will do just fine, bitch!" Realization hit him, as he finally understood what they were talking about. Oh god, please, no! His survival instinct kicked in and he started to fight them. He managed to get one arm loose, but that was as far as he got. There was a kick from behind and he sank through one leg, having lost all power in it for a moment. Another kick and he was on his knees. His arms were captured again, and a hard shove made him lean forward. Everything became a blur after that. They were pulling at his clothes and he felt being exposed. He felt so scared that he was paralyzed. His brain was screaming at him to do something, to not let this happen, to get away, but his body felt powerless and empty. And then he felt one of them entering him, hard and rough. And he screamed.

But nobody heard him. The gag in his mouth muffled all his cries to soft sounds. Tears were streaming down his face while they were switching places so all of them could take their turn. He had never felt more alone. The pain was incredible, the humiliation was even greater.

When number three slammed into him, he decided he would kill himself. He couldn't live with this, he felt so humiliated and ashamed. He could never tell anybody about this and he couldn't live with this. He would wait until they were done and then he would find something to end all the pain and shame with. He had no other choice.

Suddenly he was hauled up again, and the rag was pulled out of his mouth. They pull his pants up and form a line. He was between 3 and 4, who were holding him up by his arms. He would have dropped to the floor if they didn't. His head was hanging down, he didn't have the power nor the pride left in him to look up. He swallowed painfully and tasted blood. Suddenly the door of the cell opened and another guy was shoved inside. He suddenly realized that this was his chance to get out of here and opened his mouth to scream but the door was already closed again, and the sound of metal on metal while the locks clicked in place made his heart contract painfully. He was too late. He was so stupid, he got himself… got himself… in this position and he hadn't even screamed for help when he had the chance. He didn't deserve to live.

He looked up and saw the biggest guy he had ever seen. And he didn't look friendly. He felt his fear returning to him. For some stupid reason he had hoped that the newcomer would be a newbie, just like he. Preferably younger and smaller. But in stead he was looking at a huge man made of muscles. And by the looks of it, he wasn't new to this cell either. So no chance of finding a friend. Of course not, you fucking fool, he scolded himself. This is prison, nobody is your friend here. All these guys know each other, this guy would join their little 'party' as soon as possible. He was new, he ranked right there at the bottom of the ladder. He was young, he was stupid and he couldn't fight. He was an easy target and everybody would see that from fucking miles away. He would have to kill himself soon, or he would have to go through this again and again. And he couldn't. He wouldn't allow that. It was the only thing he could do to preserve some pride. It wasn't much, but it was the only option he had left.

The new guy walked up to him and looked at him. He just stared into space, waiting for the punch in the face that undoubtedly would come. But instead, he spoke to the others.

"What the fuck?" he asked in a low, menacing voice.

"New toy, Tank." Number 1.

"Say again?" Same low voice. he had no idea what was going to happen next and he didn't really care that much anymore. If the guy wanted to kill him, he was welcome to it. If he wanted to be beat him some more, fine, he couldn't feel more pain than he already did.

"New flesh. We played around a bit." Number 3.

"Did I say you could?" The guy named Tank spoke even softer now, but the tone sent a shiver down his spine.  
"C'mon, man…" Number 2.

"DID I SAY YOU COULD?" Tank didn't increase his volume much, but his tone was almost deafening. Nobody said a word.

"Yo're not here, so what we to do, huh? Look at him, he's fucking begging for it." Number 4. He felt himself shrink with shame. Next thing he knows number 4 is on the ground, howling in pain and he feels himself swaying because nobody supports his right side anymore.

"Put him down." Number 3 releases him and he drops to the floor. Then they are all fighting and he slowly crawls away from them until he finds a corner. He just leans against the cool wall and closes his eyes. He doesn't care anymore. Soon, this will all be over. He'll make sure of it.

Suddenly he feels a boot poking his ribs. He slowly opens his eyes and sees that the guy they named Tank is standing in front of him.

"Get up." Tank's voice doesn't leave much room for discussion.

"Why?" Maybe it's not smart to bait the biggest guy in the room, but he is beyond caring now.

"Get… (poke) Up." Fine, whatever. He slowly struggles to his feet, using the wall for support. Tank grabs his upper arm in a solid grip and drags him to the basin in the back of the room. Next thing he knows cold water is flowing over his face.

"Clean yourself up." He slowly moves his hands up and splashes some water against his face. He sees that the water falling down from his face is red with blood. He washes his mouth and spits out another mouthful of red water. Tank hands him his towel when he is done and points to the only mattress that doesn't have a sheet on it yet.

"Make your bed." He does so with slow moves. Everything hurts. He just wants to sink into oblivion, to never wake up again. When he is done, he just stands next to it.

"Good, I'm Tank." He just nods.

"You got a name?"

"Ricardo." His voice is nothing more than a whisper.

"Speak up."

"Ricardo." A little louder this time.

"Ric it is." Whatever was fine with him. He wouldn't live much longer anyway.

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**First day inside**

After dinner he manages to smuggle a knife with him to the cell. They may be plastic, but they are sharp enough. He waits until everybody is asleep and then grabs it from under his pillow. Slowly he moves his left wrist to his right hand and starts cutting. After a moment he feels something warm dripping down his arm. He's not far from freedom now. The pain is sharper then he anticipated and a short breath escapes him. Suddenly Tank is standing next to him, holding his right hand in an iron grip and a hand covering his mouth.

"Listen, you little fuck," he whispers into his ear,

"You are not going to kill yourself over this. You take it like a man and you get over it. You get strong and you fight. But you do NOT take the easy exit. Understood?" He doesn't say anything. He's just waiting until Tank is going back to sleep again, so he can continue.

"You can think all you want, but I won't let you do this. So DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" He just nods. He's willing to say anything now, just to be able to return to his task at hand.

"I hear anything that goes on in here, you understand? ANYTHING. You so much as move your big toe and I know." Yeah, right.

"So if I EVER catch you so much as THINKING about this again, I'll find you and make you WISH you could kill yourself. Clear?" He nods again. Whatever. Tank grabs his weapon from his hands and goes back to bed. But Tank doesn't know that he had broken the plastic knife in two pieces, and the second piece is still under his pillow. He waits until he hears Tanks even breathing and his hand slips under the pillow again. He bites his lip to prevent any sound from escaping while he continues his work. He feels more blood running down his arm. He is close, so close to escaping.

The pain is mind numbing and he sees stars. Slowly he turns his head back to look into Tanks furious eyes.

"You deaf?" Angry whisper. Shit. How Tank knew was beyond him.

"Last warning, pall. Nobody kills himself when I'm around. Life is much too beautiful for that." He snorts in response and another blow from Tank to his kidney makes him roll himself up in a ball.

"You fuck up, you pay. But you make sure you get out and you improve yourself. You're smart, you're young. You'll get there. You have a life ahead of you. So you BETTER make sure you get out of here and live it." Tank grabs the only weapon that he has left and goes back to bed. He just stays curled up in a ball and feels the tears slide down his face.

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**3 days inside**

"Come on, push." Every muscle in his body is hurting and still Tank is telling him to continue.

"I've had enough." He tries to put the weight bar back, but Tank grabs his wrist.

"Listen, you little shit. I'm the only thing right now that stands between your ass and those 4 fuckers in our cell. So when I say 'jump', you say 'how high'. Clear?" He swallows and then nods slowly.

"I'm doing you a favor, remember that." Some favor, he thought.

"Now push, Ric." With all his power he pushes the bar up another 5 times before Tank lifts the bar away from his hands.

"Good." Then he watches in awe when he sees Tank triples the weight on the bar and lifts it seemingly easy up and down, muscles bulging in his chest and arms. How he wished he would be able to do that. Than nobody would touch him, nobody would be able to… The siren goes and they all gather to go in again.

"Again tomorrow." He knows it's not a question.

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**5 weeks inside**

"You can do this." He isn't so sure. Tank has put 100 pounds on the bar today. True, his strength has improved in the past weeks due to the daily workouts, and Tank has increased the amount of weight on the bar before, but 100 pounds… It's a magical number.

"Okay." He lays down and starts, but halfway through his arms feel as weak as straw. Tank grabs the bar and holds it up while looking at him.

"You can do this, Ric. Believe in yourself." He acknowledges the words and closes his eyes for a moment. He takes a deep breath and continues, continuously chanting in head: you can do this, push, you can do this, push, you can do this, pu…

"My turn." What? Oh, he's finished. He's finished! He did it. A smile forms on his face while he gets up and then he almost drops the bar while handing it to Tank. Guess his arms are a bit tired after all.

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**2 months inside**

"Duck!" He's too late, and Tanks foot connects with his shoulder. He grunts.

"Pay attention, Ric!" Tank scolds him.

"I'm paying attention!"

"You didn't duck. Again." He has no answer to that one, so he takes up his position opposite Tank and they start again.

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**3 months inside**

Tank slaps him on the shoulder.

"Halfway there, man. Now you can start the countdown until you're released."

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**15 weeks inside**

"What did you do to get in here?"

"We'll talk about that some other time."

"Why?"

"Because I don't feel like sharing, that's why, Ric."

"How much more time inside for you?"

"Enough."

"Weeks, months, years? Come on, Tank. You know about me."

"Ric!" The tone in Tanks voice is final. The matter is closed.

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**4.5 months inside**

"You better start thinking about what you're going to do when you're out."

"Don't know yet."

"That's what I mean. You need a plan or you're back in here within days. And I don't want to see you back here."

"Why?"

"You're smart, you're young. There's no need for you to throw your life away."

"Do you have a plan?"

"Yeah. I'm signing up with the army as soon as I'm out. Figure they'll entertain me for a few years while I get my act together."

"Maybe I should do that too."

"You're too young to sign up. Be smart, finish school and go to college. Learn something, become something."

"Maybe."

"No 'maybe' about it. Do it, Ric. I'm serious."

"Okay."

"And another thing. Go away from here for a while."

"Why?"

"Because everybody knows you've done time now. Start somewhere fresh, where there are no 'friends from the past' that want a favor or something like that."

"But my family…"

"You can take care of yourself now, Ric. Just call them once in a while."

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**5 months inside**

"THEN DON'T RESPOND" Tanks shouts at him.

"I DON"T HAVE TO LET THEM INSULT ME OR MY FAMILY!" he shouts back.

"DON'T BE A FOOL, RIC."

"WHAT?"

"They KNOW you only have 1 more month to go. They're TESTING you."

"Why?"

"Because they have a much longer time to go here and they HATE you for being able to leave. They'll try ANYTHING to get you into trouble." Fuck, he's been extremely stupid.

"And today you gave them all they needed. You better watch yourself and keep your cool the next few days or you're ending up doing something you'll regret the rest of your life!" He flops back on the bed, feeling deflated. He broke someone's nose today because this guy said something crude about the female members of his family and he took a few hits from the guards when they were separating him from the guy he was beating up. He got a serious warning that if there were any more fights, he wasn't going to leave anytime soon.

"Then what AM I supposed to do?"

"DON'T tempt them, DON'T respond. WALK AWAY." He sighs a frustrated sigh. It's not in his character to walk away. Somebody insults his family, they pay. But Tank was right. Tank was always right.

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**5 days before getting out**

"Oh, Ricardo. I'm so happy that you are coming home again."

"Mom…"

"We'll be a family again. You can start high school."

"Mom…"

"Everything will be alright again."

"MOM!" Finally she looks up.

"What is it?"

"I don't want to stay here in Newark."

"But, you can't leave. I've missed you so much…" He sees the tears in her eyes and feels the guilt inside of him. But then he hears Tanks words again in his mind: 'there will always be some old 'friend' who feels its okay to ask for that favor that will get you into trouble again.'

"Mom, please understand… I need to leave to start fresh. I need to… to…" He can't find the right words. He doesn't want to tell her that he is afraid he'll get into trouble again if he stays here in Newark. He doesn't want to leave the family home, but he can't stay either. It's the price he has to pay for his stupidity. Suddenly his father moves and leans forward, placing a hand over his.

"It's okay, Ricardo. I understand." Relief flows through him and he looks gratefully at his dad.

"We'll ask your grandmother in Florida if you can live there for a while."

"Thanks, Dad."

"But you have to promise me one thing." He looks at his father with questioning eyes.

"You better make sure you work for school there. You bring home decent grades or you're in deep, deep trouble. Understood?" His father almost sounds like Tank. And he already knew that both were right, so he nods.

"Promise me, Ricardo."

"I promise, Dad."

"Good. We'll see you again in 5 days."

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**Final day inside**

"I can't thank you enough, Tank. You saved my life." They're sitting next to each other on his bed. He just finished packing his stuff and a neat stack of sheets, blanket and towel sits next to him. In a moment they will come to get him to escort him out.

"Glad I could help." Tank has never been one of many words.

"Will I see you again?" He feels almost afraid to leave without the silent presence of Tank by his side. They had each others back for the past 6 months, and now he had to face the world alone again.

"No, you will leave this rotten place and you will not look back."

"But what about you?"

"I'll be fine." Tank is silent for a moment before he speaks again.

"You once asked me why I was here. I've killed a man, Ric. He raped my sister, and I've killed him because they said there wasn't enough evidence to convict him. I was 13 at the time, used my fathers gun. I'll get out just before I turn 18, in about 4 months. I'll join the army and make something of my life then. I think of you as my baby brother, but I can't have any more contact with you because you need to leave this world behind you. I'm a murderer, Ric, and you don't want to hang around those. You want to finish college, get a decent job and a lovely girlfriend. You want your life to be nice and safe." They are silent for a while. He thinks about Tanks words. If Tank is a murderer, than he is the most honorable murderer he ever met. The sounds at the door interrupt his thoughts.

"Ready, Manoso?" They get up and give each other a manly hug.

"I'll never forget you, big brother," he whispers in Tanks ear and then turns to leave. Freedom is waiting, his life is waiting.

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"Oh, Ricardo." His mother is almost smothering him in her hug. He hugs her back and then embraces his father. Then he straightens up and looks at his parents.

"It's Carlos now," he quietly says.

"What?" his mother asks, confused.

"I'd like to be called Carlos from now on. Ricardo is in the past."


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Walking away…

Author: Ann

Warning: A bit sad…

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters and I don't make any money with this story

Summary: Songfic. During a stake out Steph has deep thoughts about her relationship situation inspired by a song on the radio

**Walking away…**

_What do you do when you know something's bad for you  
And you still can't let go?_

Ranger and I were sitting in his black Bronco and had been for the past 2.5 hours. I had been fidgeting, sighing, humming, turning and twisting until Ranger had given in and had turned on the radio at low volume. I was grateful at first, but as soon as I heard the first whispered words of the next song, I went still and it felt like the temperature in the car went up 10 degrees. Those words described the current situation between Ranger and me so well. Having Ranger around was always causing problems between Morelli and me, and yet I kept calling him. Why?

_I was naïve  
Your love was like candy  
Artificially sweet  
I was deceived by the wrapping_

I felt like that on occasion with Ranger, deceived. He was the hottest guy I had ever met and he had actively pursued me, but when I got close he turned around and reminded me of his "no relationship" rule. He could make me want him desperately with one look, but sometimes it felt like it was all just a game to him. He seemed to always be in control, like his heart was never at stake.

_Got caught in your web  
And I learned how to plead  
I was prey in your bed  
And devoured completely_

Oh, that one night that we shared… I almost sighed out loud. The memory brought tears to my eyes and I quickly looked out of the window again, because I didn't want Ranger to see how much this song was affecting me. It wasn't so much the memory of that night that made me teary, it was the morning after. I really thought something had changed during that night together, that we had gotten closer. But when I had talked to him later that day he had made it perfectly clear that he didn't see it that way and he had sent me back to Morelli. But I had never forgotten about that night, not one… little… intimate… detail.

_And it hurts my soul  
Cos I can't let go  
All these walls are caving in  
I can't stop my suffering  
I hate to show that I've lost control  
Cos I, I keep going right back  
To the one thing that I need to walk away from_

Ranger had been the source of many tears in the last few years. Morelli and me were dancing around each other, but no serious commitment was made, because Ranger's shadow was always there. Morelli had more than once asked me why I always called Ranger first, and I really couldn't answer that question. At least not out loud. Inside I had known the answer for a long time: because I still wanted Ranger, after everything that happened…

_I need to get away from you  
I need to walk away from you  
Get away, walk away, walk away_

I should walk away from Ranger. I shouldn't allow him to kiss me in the ally every time he felt like it. I shouldn't allow him to play with me the way he did, pulling me closer and then pushing me away. But I couldn't get myself to tell him that, because I didn't WANT to tell him that. I wanted him with me, close to me, feel his arms around me…

I felt a tear sliding out of the corner of my eye, and I wiped it away with the sleeve of my sweater, hoping Ranger wouldn't notice.

_I should have known  
I was used for amusement  
Couldn't see through the smoke  
It was all an illusion_

When he had allowed me to stay in his apartment he had said I was amusement to him and his crew. And I bet I was. I mean: his team must get a great laugh out of seeing me trying to get close to Ranger while Ranger was never serious about me. Shit, I bet he had women like me in every city where he had a Rangeman office. The guy was deadly attractive.

_Now I've been licking my wounds (licking my wounds)  
Woke up in love and seems so great (deeper, deeper)  
We both can't subdue  
Darling you hold me prisoner (prisoner)_

I felt trapped and indecisive and this song just so nicely spelled it out to me why I felt this way. Morelli had told me last week that he was taking a step back to give me some space to decide what I wanted. He had said that he wasn't going to give me any ultimatums or anything like that, but that he couldn't ignore the things that happened between Ranger and me. The kissing, the touching… If we were going to be together, it had to be exclusive. He could understand that Ranger would play a professional role in my life, but if I wanted a relationship he could no longer look away when his girlfriend was in the arms of another man. It was a fair statement, but the more I had thought about it, the clearer it became to me that I didn't feel like I had the power to walk away from Ranger.

_I'm about to break  
I can't stop this ache  
I'm addicted to your lure  
and I'm feeling for a cure  
Every step I take  
Leads to one mistake  
I keep going right back  
To the one thing that I need to..._

Ranger was like the best drug I had ever had. He had always believed in me and supported me when everybody else had told me I was nuts. He had supplied me with cars, guns and his body in order to keep me safe. He had helped me catch my FTA's and his team had always provided back up when it was necessary. He had always been honest with me. There weren't many other persons in my life that had done the same for me.

_I can make it  
It's some state I'm in  
Getting nothing every time   
What did I do to deserve  
The pain of this moment  
And everywhere I turn  
I keep going right back  
To the one thing that I need to walk away from_

Why was I so afraid to walk away from Ranger? What did he give me that I would miss so desperately? I knew Morelli loved me, and I loved Morelli. I had great friends who supported me, most of the time anyway. I had a hamster and a loving, although slightly dysfunctional family. So why can't I walk away from him?

Because he gave me Ranger, a unique person whom I loved so much.

_I need to get away from you  
I need to walk away from you  
Get away, walk away, walk away_

I felt another tear leak out of my eye and closed them for a moment, trying to get my emotions under control again by taking slow, even breaths. It didn't help much. I could feel Ranger looking at me and desperately wished he wouldn't ask me anything. This was something that I didn't want to discuss with anybody.

_Everytime I try to grasp for air  
I get smothered and this sky, it's never over, over  
Seems I never wake from this nightmare  
I let out a solid breath, let it be over, over_

I hoped this song was over soon, because I was ready to burst out crying and that wouldn't be pretty. I tried to think happy thoughts, but it wasn't working. I felt another tear slide down my cheek, and I let it. Just like so many things that happened when I was close to Ranger, I felt powerless to stop it.

_Inside I'm screaming  
Breaking, pleading the world  
Ahh..._

Another tear slid down and I felt it drip from my chin on my sweatshirt. My black Rangeman sweatshirt, the sweatshirt that I wore so often… The sweatshirt that made me feel close to him when he was out of town.

_My heart has been bruised  
So sad but it's true  
Each peep reminds me of you_

"Do you want me to walk away?" His voice startled me.

"Wha… what?!" I looked at him. His eyes were brown and serious. What did he just say?  
"Do you want me to walk away, Babe?" he said softly.

_It hurts my soul  
Cos I can't let go  
All these walls are caving in  
I can't stop my suffering  
I hate to show that I've lost control  
Cos I, I keep going right back  
To the one thing that I need..._

A thousand thoughts whirled through my head. If I said 'yes' now, he would walk away, I knew that. But just the thought of Ranger walking away from me brought big waves of panic over me and made me want to scream in desperation.

Ranger was looking at me, waiting for my answer. The longer I looked at him, the more I saw his blank face slid into place. He gave off a very strange vibe, and I had no idea what was going on inside his head, but I knew one thing: I needed him.

"Please don't walk away from me," I blurted out on a sob.

_I'm about to break  
I guess I missed it  
I'm addicted to your lure   
And I'm feeling for a cure  
Every step I take  
Leads to one mistake  
I keep going right back  
To the one thing that I need..._

Ranger gave me one more glance, but then turned away and stared out of the window again without saying anything. Panic was building inside me and I felt cold with fear. Was this it? Was he now going to say that I was too dependent on him?

Finally he turned to look at me once again. I felt more tears streaming down my face, but I kept my eyes on his. He looked at me for a long moment and then I slowly saw his blank face disappear. It was replaced by a warm look, accompanied with the one word that so often had made me feel better. "Babe." Relief washed over me like a warm wave. He wouldn't walk away. I hadn't lost him.

_I can make it  
It's some state I'm in  
Getting nothing everytime  
What did I do to deserve  
The pain of this moment   
And everywhere I turn  
I keep going right back  
To the one thing that I need to walk away from_

More tears and sobs escaped, but this time because of the relief that I felt. Suddenly Ranger hauled me over the console and I ended up sitting on his lap, burying my face deep into his neck, crying uncontrollable. All my pain, doubts and frustrations came out in big ugly sobs. I felt his strong heartbeat and I slowly calmed down.

_I say...  
I need to get away from you  
I need to walk away from you  
Get away, walk away, walk away _

Ranger didn't say anything, he just held me. I felt his strong arms around me and inhaled his delicious scent and I was home.

_Only thing I need to do is walk away_

This was why I couldn't walk away from him. Because he did these things for me that nobody else did or could. He comforted me, no questions asked. He provided me with a shoulder to cry on, even if that very shoulder was the reason I was crying.

_I need to get away from you  
I need to walk away from you  
Get away, walk away, walk away_

While the song was ending, so were my sobs. I could feel his hand gently rubbing my back. It felt incredibly soothing and it helped me to calm down and regain some control. I sighed deeply and wiped my eyes with my sleeves.

_I need to get away from you  
I need to walk away from you  
Get away, walk away, walk away_

Ranger kissed the side of my head and I looked up in his eyes.

"Are you okay, Babe?" he asked.

"Yes," I said. He gave me a searching look while he wiped the last of my tears away with his thumbs.

"Sure?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm sure," I said and gave him a watery smile. I realised that, although I probably looked horrible, spending a few minutes in his arms and being comforted by him had made the world okay again. This was exactly why I didn't want him to walk away, and why I didn't want to walk away from him.

_I need to get away from you  
I need to walk away from you  
Get away, walk away, walk away_

Three is a crowd in a relationship, Joe was right about that part. Somebody would have to walk away from this love triangle, but it wasn't going to be me.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Lost

Author: Ann

Warning: I'm a Babe! Deals with the subject of food disorders.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters and I don't make any money with this story

Summary: Songfic. Stephanie gets into trouble and it takes a long time for Ranger to step in.

Song: "Lost", Micheal Buble

**"Lost"**

Slowly Tank slid the picture on my desk for me to see. He didn't say a word. He didn't have to, the picture spoke volumes. It was a close up from Steph, and the date mark told me it had been taken yesterday afternoon. I looked at her face, now pale and haunted. Her eyes looked dull and sad. There were deep, dark circles under her eyes and her cheeks seemed to have lost all glow and colour. She looked like she had given up. And from what I had heard recently, Morelli already had.

For some reason Stephanie had started this rigid diet 6 months ago and to everyone's surprise, and later to everyone's horror, she had stayed with it. Steph had never been overweight, so there was no need for her to loose weight in the first place. Steph couldn't be more perfect to me, but somehow she felt that she wasn't looking good enough. She had been with Morelli at the time, and I had blamed him at first. But after a rather physical confrontation about this, he told me that he was trying to get her to eat again, because he never had wanted her to loose weight in the first place. Not long after that, she had moved out of his house, no doubt after a fight about food. Soon thereafter I learned that she also had stopped visiting her parents for dinner. That was when I started to get really worried about her.

_I can't believe it's over  
I watched the whole thing fall  
And I never saw the writing that was on the wall  
If I'd only knew  
The days were slipping past  
That the good things never last  
That you were crying_

And now here I was looking at this picture and realised I had to do something before it was too late. I didn't care what it would take, or what it would cost. She needed to start eating, and she needed to start fast!

"Where is she now?" I quietly asked Tank.

"At home, this was the only time she came out this week according to Conny," Tank said.

"She hasn't worked for over 2 weeks now," he added.

I could feel the unspoken question hanging between us in the air: why haven't you done something yet?! And I really didn't know why I hadn't. Why had I backed off at this moment?

I had watched Morelli try and try and try, over and over again to get her to eat again. And she had simply refused everything. He had tried to get her to talk to a psychologist, had tried to take her on a weekend break to the coast, he had even proposed to her. But it hadn't made any difference. She had given him a quiet "no" to all of it and had closed her door and herself. And I had been watching all along, but I never had done something. I hadn't talked to her, visited her or even called her. I had registered it, but had maintained my distance.

_Summer turned to winter  
And the snow it turned to rain  
And the rain turned into tears upon your face  
I hardly recognized the girl you are today  
And god I hope it's not too late  
It's not too late_

My phone rang, shattering the heavy silence between Tank and me. I looked at the display and saw it was Morelli.

"Yo."

"Did you get the picture?" Morelli asked. I quickly glanced up at Tank and saw something in his eyes that told me that he and Morelli were in on this together.

"Yes," I answered.

"Thendo something. At least I tried! I might have failed, but I tried. She is dying before your eyes and you do nothing!" Morelli was getting angrier with each word he spoke.

"You are probably the only one who can get through to her, and you are just sitting there, observing. Bastard! Her parents are desperate, her friends are scared and you just pretend like nothing is happening. Why haven't you done something?! Don't you love her too?"

The final question hung in the air and I didn't want to answer him, so I disconnected and returned my gaze to the confronting picture. She looked so sick and vulnerable…

Tank shifted on his feet and I looked up at him.

"Well, don't you love her too?" he softly asked me, not even pretending he hadn't heard the whole conversation. He knew I did so I just nodded, unwilling to speak.

"Then do something." With that, he turned on his heels and left me to my own thoughts.

Thirty seconds later I was sitting in my car, breaking every traffic rule ever made.

_'Cause you are not alone  
I'm always there with you  
And we'll get lost together  
Till the light comes pouring through  
'Cause when you feel like you're done  
And the darkness has won  
Babe, you're not lost  
When your worlds crashing down  
And you can't bear the thought  
I said, babe, you're not lost_

"Babe," I whispered while entering her living room. She was lying on her couch, wrapped up in blankets. Her body was still and her eyes were closed and for a moment I feared that I was too late. I quietly walked closer, and almost sighed with relieve when I saw she was still breathing. I kneeled down and gently touched her hair, which now felt brittle and string-like, and guilt washed over me. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, whispering to her.

"I'm so sorry, Babe."

She stirred and then slowly opened her eyes, focusing on me. Her eyes widened in shock when she recognized me and then filled with tears which slowly leaked out of the corners of her eyes. It broke my heart.

She didn't say a word, but just looked at me with empty eyes. I gently scooped her up and carried her to her bedroom, where I placed her on her bed. She weighed next to nothing and I could feel her bones even through the blanket. My god, why hadn't I done something sooner? Why hadn't I realised how serious her condition was?

I grabbed some clothes for her, stuffed them in a bag and slung it over my shoulder. I gently lifted her off the bed again and she looked at me for a moment and I waited for her to say something. Anything really, to protest or express blame, hurt, anger, sadness… But after a long moment she just closed her eyes and let her head fall against my shoulder like it was too heavy for her to hold it up anymore. I carried her out of her apartment, down the stairs and outside. My car was parked right in front of the building and I gently lowered her into the front seat.

While I raced back to Rangeman, I called ahead to order a doctor and many other things that my Babe needed to survive and I needed to soften my guilt.

_Life can show no mercy  
It can tear your soul apart  
It can make you feel like you've gone crazy  
But you're not  
Things have seem to changed  
There's one thing that's still the same  
In my heart you have remained  
And we can fly fly fly away_

In the beginning it was very difficult for me to deal with the situation that I had created. I hadn't really spoken or seen her for months, and now suddenly she was in my life all the time. Not only that, a lot of other people were as well. The doctor came every day, as did a dietician and a psychologist. And of course the Merry Men and her friends all came to visit her on a regular basis. My privacy was non-existent anymore.

And she was angry with me, very, very angry. I had either abandoned her or interfered too much with her life. I was either too cool or too intimate, I didn't love her or I was smothering her. I was an arrogant bastard or a prick. You name it, she said it. And I didn't defend myself for a long time, because I felt she was right. I had abandoned her and now interfered with her life to compensate for that. I had been very cool towards her for months, and now I couldn't stop touching her when she was in the room to make sure she was really there. And of course food was an endless discussion and trial.

Her anger hurt me, but at least she was showing emotions again. Somehow I told myself that that was something positive. It didn't escape my attention that she stopped trying to escape the apartment after two half-asses attempts. Still, I wasn't sure how much longer this could go on. I could feel my own frustration levels increasing by the day. I was afraid I might say or do something that would hurt her. So in the end I myself spend some hours talking with the psychologist, venting frustration, getting information about her condition and on occasion touching the subject of my own feelings of guilt.

_  
'Cause you are not alone  
And I am there with you  
And we'll get lost together  
Till the light comes pouring through  
'Cause when you feel like you're done  
And the darkness has won  
Babe, you're not lost  
When the worlds crashing down  
And you can not bear the cross  
I said, baby, you're not lost  
I said, baby, you're not lost  
I said, baby, you're not lost  
I said, baby, you're not lost_

After 2 months the psychologist suggested he spoke with us together. For the first time we both had to put everything on the table about us while the other one was there. It scared the hell out of me, but slowly we learned to talk about our feelings and expectations. And after a few times I started to look forward to these hours because ultimately, it brought us closer together.

During one of those sessions, Steph explained to me what had happened to her. Somehow her life had caught up with her. Something had changed her and made her belief she was no longer in control of her life. That she could only be loved if she was thinner and that she could only be proud of herself when she didn't eat. That that would make her attractive and special. And I hadn't even realised that it was happening.

Normally I would sleep on the couch, but after that session I woke up on the couch the next morning completely entangled with her and knew we were finally getting there.

My babe was no longer lost and alone, she had found her way back to me again.


End file.
